Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
