So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
