bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
