I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
