Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me