I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night