Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face