You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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