no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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