So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
