"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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