They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
