The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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