bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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