Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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