I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
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