what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
