no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
