I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
