we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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