I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
