I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
