i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
