Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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