I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
