I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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