I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
