dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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