You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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