I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
