You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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