Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Farmville is her only friend.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
