Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
