All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
