Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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