please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
