Your dad touched me again.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
