At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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