somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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