We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
