We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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