so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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