We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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