As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
