His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
