I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
