I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
