I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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