a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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