He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
