I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
