so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
