there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
