The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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