Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
COCAINE IS GR8
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
