and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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