Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
