Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
