so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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