At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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