How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
