Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
