How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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