she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
