he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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