grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
