I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
