My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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