Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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