Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We got so high we made milksteak
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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