he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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