I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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