For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
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So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
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But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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