I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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