yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
