he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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