Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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