it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Come share oat with me in your robe
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
